3/13: A quickening...

...shorter times between updates right now, like active labor vs. pre-labor...

we had our weekly check-up with our obstetrician yesterday, and she shared our concern about rebecca's eyes.  basically, when our oncologist had endorsed the hands-off let's-let-her-go-full-term approach, that rested on the assumption that rebecca was and would remain asymptomatic.  with her vision deteriorating, that was no longer the case, and so we're looking at potentially severe consequences if we hold off on treatment in order to wait for a full-term delivery plus breastfeeding afterwards.

"so, where does that leave us, doctor?"

"we should bring the birth into being.  try to turn the baby if we can, and then induce if successful.  if we cannot successfully turn the baby, we go to a caesarian."

<a moment for that to sink in>


"today. tomorrow. soon.  not in two weeks, not in one."

...and then your heart drops, all the blood in your body choosing this moment to fall to the soles of the feet. this is when the room seems so much larger than it was before, when all of our elegant plans and ideals are laid bare for what they are, and reality steps on stage for her star-turn...

that was at 4pm yesterday.  we came home and have been doing all of the everythings to encourage the babe to turn.  and perhaps they shall!  and if they don't, if the baby remains breech and now is the time to move quickly towards treatment, then what a gift to have a powerful hospital well-versed in the procedure to do it.  a lot of what our healthcare values lean on in pregnancy and birth (and the rest of life) is resisting unnecessary interventions in western medicine.  and what we've come to is a most necessary, most welcome moment of intervention.  we are blessed! we are privileged!  we are heading into parenthood on sunday...

we will start treatment with the tarceva soon thereafter, at which point we will rely on some combination of breast milk donations and formula.

so.  away we go.  the prayers remain (almost) the same, but the timeline is more immediate: "May Rebecca's eyes and the rest of her body be cleared of tumors. May perfect sight be restored to her.  We give thanks for the continued health of the baby, and pray for Your hands to guide the birth. Your will be done."

we will someway or another let you know what's going on, whether it's a caesarian birth or a vaginal birth.  either way, sunday will be a big day for us.  you know what to do.

thanks so much for your prayers. it's been a whirlwind, and the support of our community is a big part of what's kept us from collapsing, i think.

in faith,