3/22: New Direction

hello all --

some things have been happening in the last 24 hours that feel very promising.

as you already know, we started the Tarceva on friday night.  by sunday morning we already noticed that rebecca's eyes had improved.  this is tremendous, and off-the-charts in terms of rapidity of response.  we're humbled by the power of prayer.

the eyes had already seen some improvement since she gave birth, with the "blinking light" symptom going away.  what happened after the Tarceva was introduced is that her left pupil, which had been dilated for about 2 weeks, contracted a bit.  it's still not perfect, there's still a way to go, but the double vision is Vastly improved this morning from where it was last night, and the triple vision is a thing of the past i think.

to put a finer point on it -- she said that sometimes she had trouble lining solas up to breastfeed in the week previous, because when she looked down (similar to when she was looking up or looking at a distance) she'd see two of everything.  and which solas went with which nipple?  true to form, she didn't focus on it because she was so immersed in How Very Much she loved breastfeeding this child.

but today, when she was bottle-feeding him, she looked down and saw his face clearly.  his little! angelic! perfect! face, was totally clear to her.  it was a beautiful moment -- a piece of ease to go with the pain of ending the breastfeeding.

so that's tremendous.  and i feel like there was this turning point on friday when we took the pill.  like the main healing work couldn't proceed until solas was delivered and the breastfeeding had stopped, since clearing a body of cancer is such the opposite of encouraging the growth of a child or the production of breast milk.

and so i have this image of All Of These Prayers we've been generating, and all of this merit that's gathered around us due to your faith, and so much of it is obvious in its workings: the health of the babe, the lovelies who tend us from near and afar, the ridiculous level of care we've gotten at UCSF.....and the prayers for rebecca's body to be cleared were kinda stockpiling for this moment.  (again, this isn't something i Know, but something i feel)...and then we turned towards that healing 100%, making that healing the only priority for rebecca's body, and this health just burst through.  a tarceva pill like a crack in a dam, and her body is flooded with this miraculous, joyous energy.  restoration spirit salmon gobbling up tumors like flies at the surface of a creek...

so, reason to hope.  and reason to double-down on our prayers.  we don't want to let up at this moment of opening, right?

(speaking of number two, i had no idea what a joy it would be to change diapers that belong to my own child.  i was really intimidated by the process, having only enough experience with other people's kids to get me terrified, but every change has been somewhere between easy and joyous.  the magical bonds of blood!  i'm so happy his system is functioning there's no room for anything else)

anyway the second hurrah is that rebecca slept last night for about 6 hours.  that's after getting about that amount of sleep over the last 5 days.  a wise doctor heard her talk about how hard it was to sleep because every time she laid down she'd get short of breath, and switched her pain medication from dilatid (sp?) to a milder narcotic called morphine.

rebecca was kinda nervous about starting in on a hard drug with a nasty reputation, but relaxed after the doctor assured her that dilatid actually has a higher street value than morphine...kind of a cute moment...so we stepped down the scale of intensity but the pain management is way better and she can breathe while laying down and that means she can sleep and that means Everything.

she's walking SO MUCH BETTER than she was on friday.  she's really hit her stride (kinda literally, but not quite) and is a little speedster with a walker.  so that's amazing to see as well.

i don't know if i mentioned it but she got an MRI last friday afternoon of her brain to see if they could find anything untoward going on up there.  the initial read by the techs found nothing new!  which is very very encouraging.  it's still preliminary, so don't hold on to that too hard, but at least the likelihood of something very huge is something very small.

anyway, the important thing to remember is that the doctors did a brain scan of rebecca and couldn't find anything. 
they coulda just asked me!
...i'm here all week, folks. literally...

EDITOR'S NOTE: the preceding (terrible) joke is offered as a memoriam to my father, william robert bolger, a good man with a wicked sense of humor.  may he find peace in the ever-laughter and continue cajoling everyone on the other side to get this deal done.

in faith,

may rebecca's body be clear of tumors
may perfect sight be restored to her
we offer gratitude for the continuing health of baby solas