best friends

it's been three weeks since last i wrote.  which is a loooong time.  and a lot's happened, and nothing much has happened.  rebecca's strength is coming back to her day by day.  you know how they say "two steps forward, one step back"?

for rebecca it's approximately one step forward, no steps anywhere, one step forward.

slow and steady wins.

so it's wonderful wonderful to have a front row seat to her recovery.  it's going great.  sooooo much of her energy has returned.  she's waking up at like 9 and taking a nap around 4pm.  and she's playing a Bunch of harp in between.  and splashing about at the pool.  it's all good, all headed in the direction i most prefer.

here's her, sans hair, but Not sans babe:

 bald with bald

bald with bald

and this is what she looks like with her eyes open:

 a meeting of the "not worried about bed-head" caucus

a meeting of the "not worried about bed-head" caucus

and here's a reminder that it's not always a good idea to have hair:

 dad head

dad head

solas is doing great.  he's started tottering on his own two legs sometimes.  seems like he could walk any day.  we're trying not to freak out about it.

beyond that, he's lovely.  chewing on things all the time. smiling like whatever. most likely plotting something.

and here's him crawling about with our beloved Lena...

 i mean, come on, that hoodie

i mean, come on, that hoodie

one of the reasons i haven't posted is an effort to get rolling with my paid work, which is currently as an engineer.  solas, to his credit, has been trying to help out with that.

 considering

considering

 consulting

consulting

 conspiring

conspiring

but one thing that we know is that if i have time to do engineering, our daily rhythms (prayer, exercise, eating reasonable) are within reach.  i haven't done much of a job actually reaching them but i did shuffle over to group therapy for the first time in awhile last week.

turned out that everyone else decided to shuffle over to something else that night, which left just me and the group facilitator. which made it "group therapy".

as we dove a bit deeper into my/our story, she was asking about our/my support and i was saying, "oh, we've had our friend lena with us for 6 weeks, and then our friend z will be here, and then our friend brenna, and then our friend rabbit, and then a week later rebecca's dad and step-mom come out so it's a good moment for us."

and i was going on to whatever my next thing was, probably something about how having that level of support means my adrenals take a break and so i'm processing all the emotional toxins and exhaustion that got stored up over the last year (and the last three months of course) which means that ironically in this time that we've got all this outpouring of physical support, i'm falling to pieces.

but as i took a breath to express that lengthy weighty really-wow-so-interesting thought train, i saw a look on your/my therapist's face and paused.

she was baffled by the loveliness, it seemed.

"i know, we've got really good friends."

"yes, wow.  i just have to say, no one has friends like you guys."

"yeah.  yeah, the loveliness is almost baffling."

"....i wouldn't put it that way, necessarily."

but her expression just allowed me a moment to bask in the support we get from you all.  all these hands that show up to hold the baby and make a meal and change a diaper.  it's incredible.  it's amazing.  it's generous like no one's used to. people taking time off of work, or coming over during spring break, or carefully avoiding gainful employment for years if not decades in order to be available in just such a moment.  seriously. awesome.

and it's like those folks are the manifestation of a tip of the iceberg of our broader, spread-out-to-the-four-directions community.  the prayers, the letters, the donations, the wonder-fullness.  ha! the facebook likes.  seriously, it all means something to me, to us.

so. thanks for holding this thread.

i was looking thru pics of some of the lovelies who have come through, and obviously they've made their way into many of these posts, but here's a couple we haven't seen yet maybe.

this is from the day of solas' birth (last march 15th!!).  these people were holding a prayer vigil in the lobby of the hospital.  made an altar in the middle of the room, like come on no worries we do what we want because life is yes.  you know?

and that thread of co-holding runs all the way through solas' life, right through our friend jude making the trip down to santa cruz yesterday to help with kid care for a day! that's three hours in the car without traffic, people.

we didn't take a picture of her, but instead here's one of our friend wren who came down a couple weekends earlier to love us up similarly.

 solas has a posse

solas has a posse

...obviously from the same night as some of those pics up closer to the top of the page. but that's not the point.

the point is that you're part of this journey with us, and when people come to the temple of the waters to support a little clump of three undeserving people, you're part of that.  i don't exactly know how it all works but i know that i've missed you in the last three weeks, and i know you're here with us as part of every good thing that happens in our lives, and as part of what carries us through all the rough times.  your prayer. your witness. your giving.

it's amazing, this journey.  thanks for your part -- it's been vital.

*******

to All the Everything
you, Love
may rebecca's healing be complete
may her body be clear of all tumors

may You hold all those who hold us
in grace

in the name of jesus
in the name of mary
in the name of mary
in the name of brigid

with gratitude
we surrender
in faith