the logistics of memory

you guys i'm going to kinda keep this post all business because i just started thinking about rebecca really being gone and now my screen's all blurry.  know that solas is doing Really Well, and that i am incredibly well-held right now.  people have been incredibly emotionally and logistically supportive.  i've been able to sleep in and eat when i need to, and our dear dear friend amara and her partner fin have been staying at the temple and they make me do things like surf and dance and ride roller coasters.  so.  the breaths keep on breathing and the life keeps on living.  you cannot die of a broken heart, people!  we're queerly resilient that way as a species...

the logistics of this weekend are pasted below, and there's a rideshare board that i hope everyone will use.

but before we do that, there's a gift for solas that needs your support-slash-participation.  it's an audio quilt being woven by our dear lindsey q:

One of the beautiful gifts of this time is hearing all the stories of Rebecca, and songs that remind you of her. I want to collect these stories and songs to be able to share them with Solas when he is older. You are invited to record an audio story about Rebecca, no more than 2 minutes long, which I will archive and save. I imagine this as a beautiful tapestry of our voices, teaching that sweet kid everything that was wonderful and magic and mundane about his mother.


1. Borrow an iphone, or use your own.

2. Open the Voice Memo app.

3. Push the red button to record your story / song.

4. Push the red button again to stop recording.

5. Hit Done.

4. Save voice memo with YOUR NAME as the title.

5. Click on your name to open the file.

6. Click the upload button on the left.

7. Click mail.

5. Email to

I know 2 minutes is short but I need these to be brief to keep it manageable. Please do your best. If you cannot get access to an iPhone, there are other options that are a bit more labor intensive. Email and we will work it out.


Rebecca Tidewalker Memorial: Celebration and Mourning
Saturday, August 27th
1pm - 530pm
at the Pacific Cultural Center, 1307 Seabright Ave in Santa Cruz
* All you need to bring is yourself
* If you're called to bring water that is sacred to you, items for an altar, and/or pictures of Tidewalker, those are welcomed
* If you can manage to bring a vessel there with which you can transport water from the event, that would be nice, whether or not you brought any water with you to the event
* We'll provide snacks, don't bring any food there
* Afterwards we're hosting a potluck on the beach, but you can also choose to stay at the venue and participate in the ecstatic dance event that follows us in the space
* Come and go as you're called, it's not a closed-door event
* Love yourself
* Even when it's hard

Post-Memorial Potluck: Standing and Eating
Saturday, August 27th
Something like 6 or 630
Twin Lakes State Beach in Santa Cruz
(off of East Cliff Drive and 7th Avenue, look for us at one of the easternmost burn barrels)
(east will be the direction that the sun isn't setting in)
* The parking here is kinda hard at the best of times, and I can't tell whether these are the best of times or not right now
* You can try parking near our house -- that's 370 10th Ave -- and there's no permit required to park
* And it's 3 blocks from the beach
* I originally posted a different beach, but Rebecca spent way more time at this one, and it's way easier to walk down to

Sunday Brunch: Eating and Sitting
Sunday, August 28th
11am or something.  You know, brunch...
* Venue here is TBD, and this is an utterly informal late-morning meet-up in case you want to be with a crew in the mourning
* A brunch seemed called for
* Cause I don't want you feeling rudderless in this town

Sunday PrayerSong: Sitting and Chanting
Sunday, August 28th
2:30pm - 4:30pm
45 Quail Crossing in Santa Cruz (this is our friend Jon's dwelling place)
* There's not a lot of parking, please carpool and watch for signs that say where-to-park
* There is a lot of outdoors there
* There is an outdoor stage within the outdoors there
* My friend Julie Dragonfly and I will be on the stage
* With you next to us, if it's a big one
* We had a folk-kirtan band duo in the 00's and Rebecca really loved it
* You just chant and chant and chant and it feels real prayerful
* And you surrender
* The root of the form is sacred Sanskrit chanting developed in India
* All gods are one god
* You cannot pray to your divine Source and somehow "miss"
* Most cultures have some form of call-and-response in their sacred music traditions
* So we blend in some stuff from closer to home

this is a crazy time.  i keep thinking that if i don't admit it, maybe rebecca won't be dead.  but we saw her cremated last friday. 

but we had all these plans.

when i fall apart there's enough support around that i don't fall far.  i hope that's true for you whenever you need it.

...and whenever the sorrow comes, there's a smile at the bottom of it.  it's a smile that i'll miss, but the smile's there nonetheless.  the sorrow points to the joy just like the shadow points to the candle.  and i hope that's true for you whenever you need it.

in faith,

sweet Creator
with gratitude
we release rebecca tidewalker from this life
we who remain in this life
surrender our will to Yours
in faith